


The List

by jenny_wren



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenny_wren/pseuds/jenny_wren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock makes a list like Ross in Friends, it goes about as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> Kink meme prompt

Leo sighed at the drunken huddle squished between the warp core and dilithium chamber. He’d thought getting out of the Academy meant no more retrieving Jim when his alcohol-hazed mind decided he needed to hide.

“How did he even get in there?” he demanded exasperatedly.

“Don’t know,” Scotty wrung his hands. “He came down looking for something to drink, wouldn’t say why, but I figured...”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.” Damn hobgoblin. For somebody supposed to be emotionless, Spock had made his indecision over choosing between Uhura and Jim painfully obvious. Leo had actually called him on it and been told ‘it was only logical to revaluate one’s life when one had additional parameters to consider.’ Which Leo had to accept, but Spock didn’t need to be so damn blatant about it.

Still it looked like Spock had made his decision, and it hadn’t been Jim. Now Leo had to decide if he was willing to be Jim’s backup plan. Or rather, since he was willing to take Jim anyway he could get him, how he was going to salvage some shred of pride. He wasn’t sure if he was glad or sorry he hadn’t spoken up before the Narada.

Scotty was still talking, “...And I only turned my back on for a second, I swear.”

“That’s all it would take.” Leo had often considered handcuffs as a way of keeping track of drunk Jim. He knelt down and tried to edge into Jim’s hidey-hole. Twisting his shoulders, he managed to snake one arm down the narrow gap.

“Jim,” he poked at the nearest bit of Jim and coaxed, “Kid, come on now. Wake up, we need to get you to bed.”

Slitted blue eyes gleamed out the darkness, “No. Comfy.” The eyes closed.

Leo glared and let his temper slip, “You cannot possibly be comfortable, you look like you’ve swapped you’re arms and legs around. And even if you are, I’m not. Wake the hell up so I can get some sleep.”

The blue eyes opened wide and there was a gleam of white teeth. “Bones,” crowed Jim, “Grumpy, grumpy Bones.”

“That’s me kid, now come here before I hypo your ass.”

Leo levered himself out the gap and back to his feet, relieved to see Jim following. That had been surprisingly easy, when Jim was really upset it was sometimes impossible to budge him at all. After Jim failed the Kobayshi Maru for the second time, Leo spent the early hours of the morning curled up next to a heating duct, Jim had never actually emerged and Leo had finally left at just after ten when he calculated Jim had to be mostly sober and able to look after himself - as much as he ever could.

Jim slithered out the gap feet first, slowly twisting and untangling, until he swayed upright. Leo wrapped one arm around his waist and let Jim slump against him.

“C’mon Jim, we’ve taken enough of Scotty’s time, let’s get you back to your quarters.”

Jim balked. His whole body locked up and he threw his weight back against Leo’s grip like a stubborn toddler.

“Alright, we’ll go to my quarters.”

Jim relaxed, snuggling against him. Leo sighed, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough for this.

“Let’s go.” 

Jim was silent as Leo manhandled him through the corridors.

“Bones?” he said finally as they stopped outside Leo’s quarters.

“Yes,” said Leo distractedly as he tried to enter his door code and keep Jim from measuring his length on the deck.

“Why do you love me?”

“What!” Thankfully the door opened and he hurriedly shoved Jim inside because he was not discussing his feelings out in the open. Jim staggered backwards across the room until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he sat down abruptly.

“You do love me, right?” He stared up at Leo his shoulders hunched against the hurt and so painfully vulnerable that, if it hadn’t of been true, Leo would unhesitatingly have lied. He smiled gently and sat down beside him,

“Yeah kid, I love you.”

“Why?” 

“What do you mean why?”

“Why do you love me?”

Leo sighed, why did Jim want to get philosophical at three o’clock in the morning. “Cause you’re an idiot.”

“Bones!” Jim clunked into him and suddenly Leo was flat on his back on the bed with Jim drooling sloppily against his mouth. “That’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Leo fended off another attempt at a kiss and flipped them over. “Jesus Jim, you can’t be that hard up for compliments.”

“No I’ve had lots of compliments. Spock had this whole list.” Jim’s hands waved through the air apparently sketching out a list the size of a door.

“At least he let you down easy,” said Leo, grateful that the half-Vulcan had thought to do so.

“Nah-uh.” Jim pressed his finger against Leo’s nose and made an obnoxious buzzing sound. “Spock chose me.”

“Oh.” Leo tried to pull away, but Jim hooked his legs around Leo’s hips and trapped him in place. “Jim, I really don’t want to do this.” The last thing Leo wanted to hear about was Jim’s happy new life with Spock. Although it couldn’t be that happy if Jim was busy getting smashed in engineering. “Where is Spock?”

“Dunno. Groveling to Uhura if he’s got any sense.”

“What happened?”

“I told you,” said Jim reproachfully. “He had this list.”

“And?”

“And he listed out all our good points and bad points, mine and Uhura’s I mean, to help him decide who to choose. Fortunately he only showed me mine.”

“He _showed_ it to you.” Because Leo could see Spock writing a list, but he’d have thought Spock would have the basic common sense to burn it immediately.

“He wanted to assure me it was a carefully considered decision.”

Leo winced, because maybe Uhura found that sort of thing romantic, but Jim ‘jump in head first and panic later’ definitely would not. And as it was practically Jim’s defining characteristic, he was surprised Spock hadn’t realized that.

“It said I was intelligent and brave and kind.”

“You are.”

“Not always though. Sometimes I’m really stupid.”

Leo choked.

“Oh go ahead and laugh Bones, you know you want to.”

“Sorry,” said Leo and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek in apology, “but I thought that bit of self-knowledge had escaped you.”

“I’m always awesome,” Jim flashed his patented cocky grin, before sobering. “But I am stupid sometimes, and I’m mean, and sometimes I hide. So would he stop loving me then? And Uhura’s all those things too, so if he met somebody better at them than me, would he leave me too?”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that.” Leo might be biased but he didn’t think anyone was better than Jim, even if Jim was an idiot. “What else was on the list?”

“We were th’y’la in that other world.”

“There you go.” Leo wasn’t quite sure why he was trying to make Jim appreciate Spock’s list more, except that Jim seemed so miserable over it he couldn’t help himself.

“Thing is other me wasn’t anything like me at all. He was, I dunno, perfect or something. I’m just me. Bet other me didn’t have juvie record as long as his arm.”

“Bet he didn’t have an abusive bastard for a step-father either.”

“See,” said Jim, “we are different. Which is what I said to Spock, and he just said I’d get more like other me as I got older. But what if I didn’t?”

Leo privately thought that as taking care of four hundred people tempered Jim’s need to play fast and loose with the rules, he was going to get more like the other him. But Jim was right, they would always be very different people on a fundamental level.

“There must have been something on Spock’s list that you agreed with.”

“Well I am Captain, can’t disagree with that.”

“He put the fact you are Captain down as one of your advantages.” Leo couldn’t quite believe it, surely even Spock wouldn’t be that crass.

“Yeah,” Jim smiled but it was a sickly effort.

On reflection Leo could see what he thought Spock meant. A First Officer having a relationship with the Captain was fairly common, and Spock’s greater experience would balance out Jim’s higher rank. On the other hand Uhura was a junior officer and one of Spock’s former pupils, which was not nearly so acceptable. Logically Jim was the better choice. But Leo still couldn’t believe Spock _told_ Jim that.

“And then,” Jim continued, “we come to the disadvantages.” His attempt at a smile wavered into something broken and hollow.

Leo gave up on keeping his distance. He settled against the head board and tugged Jim up into his arms.

“I’m reckless.”

Leo nodded his head. The recklessness was part of what made Jim such a wonderful idiot. He threw himself full throttle into everything and absolutely refused to learn his lesson. It had given him his greatest successes and his greatest failures. Sometimes he took it such extremes all Leo could do was hide his head in his hands, but it was part of what made Jim, Jim. And was the chief beneficiaries of Jim’s Jimness – nobody else would have stuck by a grumpy old doctor for so long – Leo would never seriously want to change it.

“But Spock said we would work on it.”

“That sounds vaguely sinister.”

“You should try it with Spock staring at you with those dark eyes.” Jim shivered. It was not a happy shiver. His hand lifted and curled protectively against his neck, an unconscious tell that betrayed him when he thought of Spock’s anger. Leo hauled him closer and kissed the top of his head.

“I like your recklessness, although I’ll deny it at length next time it gets you into trouble. And if you could cut down on the near death escapes my heart had would thank you.” It sounded a lot less sarcastic than Leo had intended and he shifted uncomfortably.

Jim picked up Leo’s hand and rubbed it against his cheek, “I promise I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” He turned his hand and stroked his thumb against Jim’s jaw, smiling at Jim’s happy sigh. “So recklessness isn’t so bad. You’d cop to that if anyone asked you. What else?”

“Uh, I can’t speak Vulcan.”

“Yes you can.”

“Yeah okay, but Spock doesn’t know that.”

“Huh.” Leo shook his head, “Stop trying to distract me. Tell me the one that’s got you all knotted up.”

“What makes you think I’m knotted up?”

“You’re not giving me a straight answer for a start.”

Jim shoved away him and folded his arms sulkily, “Which one of you is the mind-reader again?”

Leo refused to be diverted, “Jim.”

“Fine, he said I was promiscuous.”

Leo flinched because Jim had always carried his slut label with an overt pride that had never quite hidden the hurt when people called him easy. 

“Strange,” he said, “I always had that down as one of your good points.”

“Good point?” Jim stared at him like he was insane.

“Absolutely. It means, hopefully, that you’re good at sex.”

“Oh baby I sure am.”

Leo slapped him lightly over the back of the head, “Shut up. It also means you’ve done your wild thing and won’t suddenly decide you’ve missed out on having sex with lots of other people and start sleeping around on me.”

“Wait, you actually mean that. You think I won’t cheat on you?”

“Of course you won’t. If you promise to be faithful then you’ll be faithful. You’re too stubborn not to be.”

“Wow, okay, that’s different.” Jim was staring at him wide-eyed and Leo twisted awkwardly under the warmth of his gaze.

“Why, what did Spock say?”

“He said he’d make sure I never wanted anyone else.”

Leo scratched his head.

“Yeah,” agreed Jim. “Again with the sinister.”

“So, you turned him down?”

“Yes. I tried to do it nicely, honest.”

“Do I want to know?”

“He’s a Vulcan, I don’t think they do subtle. I had to shout a bit in the end. I think I called him a freaky possessive bastard who was in love with a figment from another universe.”

“Ouch.” 

Jim kept speaking, words flowing faster and faster, “I told him he had a good thing going with Uhura and he should go back to her and grovel while he still had the chance. And that if his dithering had cost me my chance with you, I was going to kill him, even if it was just as much my fault and his.”

“Oh,” said Leo blankly. He couldn’t seem to manage any more words.

Jim took a deep breath, “So has it?”

“What?”

“Has dicking around with Spock over that stupid other universe cost me my chance with you?”

“No,” he said honestly. “I don’t think anything could.”

“I am truly, truly sorry. I don’t even know why I did it, except, like I said, sometimes I’m stupid. It was as if I could buy into this whole life where I knew everything would work out because it already had. But I forgot I’m not other me, just as much as Spock did.”

“It’s okay. I can see why you’d want to explore what the other you had. I’m tempted to ask old Spock who my counterpart hooked up with and go and check them out.”

“Don’t.” Jim grabbed his hands. “Please, please don’t. I know I deserve it, but please –”

“Jim.”

“No, listen to me. I know it’s a stupid excuse but when I put you off I was honestly trying to do the right thing and not mess you around. So please.”

Leo started to laugh, “Jim, you idiot, I said yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes I will have that promise of faithfulness from you.”

“Oh,” A pink flush rose on Jim’s cheeks, “And you’ll promise me back?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Jim started smile. Leo could feel himself smiling back.

“You know,” he said. “If you weren’t idiot-drunk, we could have sex right now.”

Jim pouted.

“You’re about five minutes away from passing out, kid.”

“Am not.”

“Alright, let’s get in bed, and if you’re still conscious after five minutes, we’ll have sex.”

Jim grinned smugly and started to strip off. He was yawning before he got to his boots.

“Bones,” he moaned plaintively. Leo rolled his eyes and knelt down to help him.

“Why do I love you again?”

“Cause I’m an idiot,” said Jim kicking his feet happily.

“That would be it.”

“Bones,” Jim whispered, as Leo struggled them both under the covers.

“Yes Jim.”

“I love you too.”

“I know.”

“But not cause you’re an idiot. You’re too smart for that.”

“Uh huh.”

“I love you cause you’re grumpy.”


End file.
